Does it make me a bad person if...

i can't listen to people talk about a death of a person, be it a family member, close friend or pet.. ?

I've discovered that I'm at a loss.
I can't feel sorry for people, the sympathy is gone.
In fact i kind of laugh.

I think that makes me a bit rude.

I just can't see past my own sadness to be honest, selfish as is sounds. I've dealt with within 19 years of life 4 deaths, 2 of which happened within 2008. My grandad died of natural causes when i was at the young age of 8, Wilson my friend i lost at the age of eleven to suicide, too young for suicide to be honest. Then 2008 took away Aaron, a friend, the kindest, most amazing person anyone could meet, and my nan, which was hardest as it was a slow process.

I just want to write my nans story, as i think people will then understand my bitterness towards other peoples stories.

She had a stroke, this caused a coma, and a brain hemorrhage. I think she was in hospital for a week before she died. I was with her most days, bar the last two days when i wasn't allowed, my parents didn't want me to see her deteriorate, i can understand this but wish i was there with her. The hardest part of an event like this, is watching your family melt down, your dad who you hold high, crumbling with sadness, so distraught as his mother is slowly fading. It was the slowest most painful week of my life.
As i held her hand, talking quietly to her i thought about all the memories, and the fact that I'd said I'd be going to visit her the day after she slipped into the coma, i will always feel slightly like i have let her down.

Anyway.
These events have left me slightly bitter and cold towards the whole "death" topic, i refuse to feel sympathy, because i want people to know how it feels to loose someone. I was treated quite rudely by a tutor when my nan was dying, and it has left me like this.

Sometimes i feel for people.
I do, honestly.
But don't expect a whole lot.
It is hard.
I'm still getting over 2008, hoping 2010 will be the year i learn to move on, learn to cope. And release my sadness in a more useful way.

Does this make me a bad person?