And I can't sleep.
This is getting boring, every night the same.
Can't eat, drink or sleep.
Maybe I've lost a little more of my light than I'd thought. Something is missing from me, and it's causing some problems. I know that I've got so much around me to be happy for, and I am grateful, truly I am, but something inside is telling me, this isn't where I thought I'd be. Is this what I want?
Change.
A small word.
A small word that causes such upheaval in life.
Is that what I need to fill this void I'm feeling? Is there something, something more than this. However emo or lame this makes me sound, I don't honestly care, because I need help, I need someone to bring back my smile, my light, the feeling that I'm worth something to someone.
I just need something small.
A letter? A post-it note? A lyric?
Someone tell me that I'm doing the right things with my life, that I do mean something, that all this crap I'm facing is or will be worth something in the end. I know full well that life is hard and full of challenges, but at the end of the day... I need someone to be there, and right now it doesn't feel like I do, everyone is going through something, I don't want to stand in their way. A friend of mine has helped a fair bit recently, but he's in a band, he's also a solo artist so he has his own life to deal with... I feel almost like I'm clinging to him because for one moment while I talk to him, he makes me feel happier, I smile when we chat. I know this sounds like some soppy crush from a bad chick flick, but really it isn't - I have a boyfriend, and we're happy. So today I told him (the friend) that I'm not going to talk to him via facebook etc, I'll leave it till a gig, it's for the best I think, no one needs this, I wouldn't put it upon anyone to deal with me right now.
I have to sort this out.
I need to find myself.
Somewhere, somehow.. I lost my passion for things.
Essay over, emo much? Gah!
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